You’re a swaggering businessperson who swans around your office with all the spunk of a snotty teenager. You discuss strategies in wild gesticulations and sip lattes with the panache of a percolating Don Draper.
But when it comes to the nitty gritty in your business, you’re more stumped than an African elephant trying to comprehend an iPhone. Your eyes glaze over when programmers start discussing C++, feel lost chatting to your HR department and blag your way through design meetings like an illiterate at a James Joyce conference.
If you plan to rocket up the career ladder, you’ll need less bluster and more knowhow. Being able to hold your own in any business conversation is what gets you noticed by the higher-ups in your company.
With that in mind, we’ve found a few snatches of jargon that’ll make you look like the cock of the walk, no matter what department you’re chatting to.
There’s little worse for an HR worker than having to talk to someone completely ignorant about their workload. You’ve transcribed hundreds of documents, tracked employee absences and KPIs and made sure an entire organisation has ticked over smoothly, only to have some entrepreneurial whizz kid wander into your office like the village idiot traipsing into a university physics department.
Don’t be the village idiot. Understand that HR is vital to business organisation. These professionals use top of the range payroll software, understand coordination and can even provide you with detailed forecasts of your business. Their respect will yield dividends.
Wow computer programmers
No computer programmer expects you to understand complex algorithms and brain-bending mathematics, but they’ll respect you if you’ve got a foundational knowledge of programming.
There are various websites on the internet that can teach you HTML, C++, Unity and various other programs. You don’t have to know them in great detail, but a brief scan of each can leave you in good stead when you’re discussing design or programming with a pro. You might only understand every second word they’re saying, but that’s better than not understanding them at all.
Empathise with data input
Inputting data is one of the most boring tasks in the world, right next to professional stamp licker and paint drying supervisor. These people require the most coffee in the office just to keep themselves awake.
They don’t require expert knowledge. Like a homeless man on the street, they just need a little bit of empathy. Buy them a coffee every now and again, show them that you value their work and keep them pleasantly distracted every once in a while. You’ll have the support of the lower echelons of your company in no time.